Blog Cameo

December 4, 2012

In lieu of making anything original, I think I’ll link to my friend Every-day Prospects’ blog, where I’m featured talking about how hard it is to be charming.  Find me here.

An excerpt from her post, which is, as usual, measured and intelligent:

“It’s not that I don’t think writing and being good with people are valuable skills.  I am convinced that they are very valuable indeed.  You don’t decide to become a writer/social worker if you think that those ‘soft’ skills are too soft to shape real things.  I believe deeply in the practical worth of kindness and good communication skills—deeply enough to try and make them into a career that’s good for the world and good for me.  It’s just that those skills…you can’t catalogue them.  You can’t quantify them and you can’t show them off at a party.”

The Saddest Thing In the World

December 1, 2012

Twee design bloggers with ugly children.

The Famous Lemon Juice

November 30, 2012

As a kind of lay guide to Hasidim, I’ve been asked many a time about the Weberman sexual abuse case that is currently being tried in court.  Only a few people, however, have asked me about the trial itself.  The bigger question seems to be, “Is ‘Lemon Juice’ a traditional Hebrew name?”

Arrested yesterday in court for taking a picture of the accuser.

Arrested yesterday in court for taking a picture of the accuser.

To which I must respond: “No.  No it is not.”

Good shabbos, everyone!

It’s Finally HERE!

November 28, 2012

Matt and Ben, by Mindy Kaling and Brenda Withers, has come off press!  A sampling:

Matt: Interior.  Ben’s apartment.  A lazy Saturday in Somerville, Massachusetts.  Stage right we see a desk, a computer, all untouched.  Center stage we got a second hand couch.  Pan left we see various junk food… and Ben.  Lights up on Ben.  Alone… at the desk.

(Matt exits.)

(Ben is waiting.  He faces the keyboard.  He types one letter.  Deletes letter.  Waits some more.  He straightens a pile of paper.  Waits some more.  Etc. etc. etc.  We understand Ben is fidgety and anxious, anticipating Matt’s arrival.  Matt enters with a pizza.  He is out of Ben’s line of vision, but Ben senses he is there and begins typing voraciously.)

Matt: Hey Ben.

Ben: Hey, Matt.  Long time no see.  Long time… no see.

Matt: The craziest thing –– I’m walking out of Papa Gino’s, and I run into Naomi…

Ben: You’re like two hours late man.

Matt: No.

Ben: It’s twelve thirty.

Matt: Wow.  Well, I was just, uh, picking up the pizza –– here, I got extra cheese –– anyway, so I ran into Naomi ––

Ben: Who is Naomi?

Matt: Naomi from 10th grade, from Ms. Parson’s history class.  Lesbian.  Do you know how I know this?  She sees me in line.  She comes up to me and says “Hi Matt, how are you, how’s the acting doing?”  And I said, “Oh, can’t complain, Naomi, how are things with you?”  And she goes, “Great.  I work at the Radio Shack, in Burlington?  And I’m a lesbian.”  Just like that.  I know!  I know!  So I was like, “Oh Radio Shack?  That’s cool.”  And I left.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

November 27, 2012

Seeking Young Brooklyn Literati For TV Show (Park Slope)

Date: 2012-11-27, 2:53PM EST

Notable Hollywood reality TV producer seeking young, hip (or just plain different) writers of all ilks: bloggers, journalists, novelists, playwrights, essayists, etc. for a new television show that will chronicle the lives of aspiring and published writers living and immersed in the Brooklyn literary scene.

Please send us a 3-5 minute long video of YOU …. recorded on your I-phone, computer camera, etc. (or private youtube link) . We want a real glimpse into your lifestyle as a writer thriving or even just “trying to get by” in the culture of the Brooklyn literary scene. Take us to one of your spots, introduce us some of your writer friends, bring us to a literary get together, include us in a meeting with your agent, argument with your spouse, or just plan old witty rant! The more you reveal of your authentic self and literary lifestyle, the better … Get creative! Tell us about your: mood swings, daily grind, professional experiences, “extracurricular” outlets, personal relationships, rivalries, and, in particular, how you get your inspiration for whatever it is that you write.

The real YOU is desired here.

Videos will only be used for internal casting purposes and will remain strictly private. Do not forget to include all of your relevant contact information, as well as short writing sample in the body of the email. All Genres welcome. You will be contacted for further consideration.

Location: Park Slope

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: no pay

 

 

NO PAY!?!?  Writers need to get paid, asshole.  You expect us just to be moody and witty and ranting for FREE, do you?

Wee Poem

November 27, 2012

Happy Tuesday!

 

The Lunar Waif

 

The moon hasn’t eaten enough today

She’s a sliver in the sky

She reaches her wan wrist towards the poets and says

“Not tonight, boys.”

Little Lucey’s Grave

November 26, 2012

From Sandy-ravaged Greenwood, which is where I will be buried if Pere Lachaise doesn’t take me.

A Tweet

November 26, 2012

Writing an article about Jewish punk rockers — reached out to band Moshiach Oi! — something amazing about seeing “Moshiach” in your inbox.

Who will email me next? Buddha?

Now This Is the Kind of Stand I Could Take

November 25, 2012

From Delano by John Gregory Dunne

Plans on Friday Night?

November 24, 2012

Text from LB, Friday at 8:10 PM: I’m at a suicide prevention fundraiser.  I can’t even write out my thoughts.

ID: Why?

ID: Meaning, why are you there?  (The inability to write being immediately understandable.)

LB: My cousin’s friend’s family has started a foundation for their daughter that committed suicide.

ID: Oh.  Is it… fun?

LB: No.

LB: The food is good though.

ID: Hahaha!

LB: Actually really good.