I just picked a wedgie on the street in Borough Park. Waiting for the modesty squad to haul me off. #modestysquadofBPinc
That’s how you do it, right?
Archive for the ‘Conspiracy Theories’ Category
A Tweet
February 26, 2013File This Under “Duh?”
February 25, 2013According to the Times, science tells us that a “Mediterranean diet” could reduce your risk of heart disease. Somebody back me up here –– wasn’t that common nutritional knowledge by now? (Do we just feel better that we can quantify it?)
Freelancing Opportunities
February 23, 2013CHARISMA MAGAZINE
—
Each year, freelancers write 80 percent of our articles, but we
assign most of these to writers who have established themselves
with us. In most cases, we only give article assignments to writers
with published clips. All Charisma articles, with the exception of
the shorter stories (specified below), should be between 1,800 and
2,500 words in length. More than half our readers are Christians who
belong to Pentecostal or independent charismatic churches, and
numerous others participate in the charismatic renewal in mainline
denominations. Charisma Media is a leading creator of diversified
Christian resources that empowers believers for God’s purpose. Our
vision is to inspire people to radically change their world.
—
What exactly is an “independent charismatic church?” Anyone?
Apparently…
February 22, 2013… in my mind it’s still the eighties and people still get perms.
IS: I think I might have a perm-contact high just by working in venice beach
the whole gallery smells like weed right now and I have no idea where its coming from
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
IS: I have to talk to my sponsor about this
me: omg
wait
not as funny as how i first interpreted it
which is embarrassing
but when you said “perm-contact high”
i thought you meant like
from hairspray or products
Wait… What?
February 20, 2013Many in the tri-state area have probably heard the sordid tale of Rob Morrison, CBS news anchor (well, former) and resident of my hometown, that glorious bastion of WASP repression. Apparently Morrison strangled his wife and his mother-in-law called the police and he’s saying it’s not a big deal and she (m-in-law) is saying that it is and yadda yadda yadda.
It’s all kind of boring, except for one small thing about the night, via Gothamist:
“It’s believed that Ashley Morrison hit her husband to beat him away while he was choking her, according to the Post’s sources. Another detail about the evening: The couple was watching Mystic Pizza before the alleged altercation.”
Mystic Pizza?! How could that feel-good movie about a bunch of hard-scrabbled, dough-slinging Portuguese teenagers learning about the world and themselves lead to such violence? How could a night that started so, so right go so, so wrong? Tell me, Morrison! How?!
Anne Sexton and Judaism
February 13, 2013While Sexton wasn’t exactly a full-on philosemite, she did find her friend and collaborator Maxine Kumin’s chosenness fascinating. Below is a poem that Anne wrote to Maxine in which she relates some of her envy:
My Friend, My Friend
Who will forgive me for the things I do?
With no special legend of God to refer to,
With my calm white pedigree, my yankee kin,
I think it would be better to be a Jew.
I forgive you for what you did not do.
I am impossibly quilty. Unlike you,
My Friend, I can not blame my origin
With no special legend or God to refer to.
They wear The Crucifix as they are meant to do.
Why do their little crosses trouble you?
The effigies that I have made are genuine,
(I think it would be better to be a Jew).
Watching my mother slowly die I knew
My first release. I wish some ancient bugaboo
Followed me. But my sin is always my sin.
With no special legend or God to refer to.
Who will forgive me for the things I do?
To have your reasonable hurt to belong to
Might ease my trouble like liquor or aspirin.
I think it would be better to be a Jew.
And if I lie, I lie because I love you,
Because I am bothered by the things I do,
Because your hurt invades my calm white skin:
With no special legend or God to refer to,
I think it would be better to be a Jew.
Kumin wrote a rather long response, difficult to find online (though I managed to do so) that some day I will post here. Interesting to note that Sexton friend and depressive rival Sylvia Plath, who has gotten tons of print attention this week because of the anniversary of the publication of The Bell Jar, was also somewhat obsessed with Jewishness (references to Nazism are peppered throughout Ariel) but I would argue in a different way than Sexton was. Sexton saw Kumin’s status as a Jew a kind of get-out-of-jail-free card in that Kumin could appeal to the special G-d that chose her when things went awry; Plath believed that by developing her own masochistic war on herself, not devoid of glory, was a type of personal appropriation of the relationship between Jews and Nazis. In other words, she waged her own mini-Holocaust on herself, playing the role of brutal SS agent and of helpless Jewish victim.
HAPPY TUESDAYS!
Oh It Could Be Way, Way Worse
February 12, 2013You could have watched one of those “I’m a Mormon” videos on YouTube just out of curiosity and gotten goosebumps at the end.
HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY
January 30, 2013My editor and publisher and I were discussing titles for my book and got into a bit of a tiff about books with the word “disappear” in the title, so I went onto Amazon to do a little research. The first book I found is called How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found by Doug Richmond, published by a little outfit called Desert Publications, which puts out “scores of modern-day books and manuals that are the finest in survival, self-defense, military and police science, firearms and alternative energy books.” The summary of Richmond’s book says that, “Doug Richmond has never changed identities. But as a journalist traveling the world, he has collected statements from dozens of people who have. What makes this book so incredible is that every scrap of information is based on case histories that are undeniably true. .. [This book] contains heavy-duty disappearing techniques for those with a ‘need to know.'”
The best part, however, of stumbling upon this title –– which I believe will come in handy for me sooner rather than later –– is reading this reader review:
5.0 out of 5 stars Does exactly what it says on the cover. August 19, 2011
By Davywavy2
Format:Paperback
I bought a copy of this book, put it down on the coffee table, and when I came back twenty minutes later it had gone and I’ve not seen it since.Fantastic.
—
Was this review helpful? Amazon asks. Oh yes.
BUY ME THIS
Something I Learned While Reading US Weekly on the Bus Today
January 28, 2013Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Saarsgard’s daughter, Ramona:
EXHIBIT A
Looks disturbingly like Ramona Quimby (Age 8):
And B
What exactly is going on here?
Scottish Highland Quietude Club
January 26, 2013“Two Sea Org bases are located on the old Gilman resort, Gold and Int. Gold Base is named after Golden Era Productions, the lavishly equipped film and recording studio set up by Hubbard to make his movies and produce Scientology materials. Int. Base is the church’s international headquarters. On the north side of the highway, nestled against the dry hills, is Bonnie View, the house that Hubbard hoped one day to live in. [David] Miscavige keeps an office on the property. Few Scientologists, and almost no one outside of the church, knew of its existence. The local community was told that the bankrupt property on California Highway 79 had been purchased in 1978 by the ‘Scottish Highland Quietude Club.'”
~ Lawrence Wright (again), Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief
A cursory Google search indicates that the Scottish Highland Quietude Club doesn’t actually exist. I’m thinking of starting one. Who’s with me?
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